Friday, 11 October 2013

Down Boy

is for...DOGGING

Law, gravity, tanks, telephones, telly, the hovercraft – these are all great British inventions - but if you’re the type of person who thinks ‘well, yeah, but the hovercraft was invented yonks ago. What have you done for us lately?’ we here at Mounds and Circles are the type of people to say ‘shut up, you bloody racist, what about the Internet – yeah, the Internet you’re reading right now and being stupid on’.

So, yeah, in recent years, Britons have invented LOTS of things. There’s the Internet, obviously, the wind up radio - hoovers that go around corners – and our footballers have worked tirelessly to popularise the tattoo for non-Navy people - best of all, though, some unknown shag happy Brit slags invented DOGGING. Dogging is THE British success story of the last ten years, being exported all over the world. Even America, who haven’t wanted any of our stuff since the Pilgrim Fathers, have gone mad for it, although they call it doggin’ in that funny way they have of taking our words and subtly changing them and making them sensible and then the norm so that eventually Spell Check keeps telling you that you’ve spelled ‘colour’ wrong. The dirty Danes and sexy Swedes, normally at the vanguard of sexual liberation, have also eagerly taken up the canine baton, in a rare example of smut being imported into Scandinavia.

Dogging brilliantly combines our national love of being nosey, being seedy and making the most of the great outdoors. It is a truly democratic invention in that it is from the people, of the people, for the people. Well, the people that like to watch other people fucking in the woods that is. Personally, I’m not bothered, dirty bastards.

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