Thursday, 5 September 2013

Hot Punch on the Beach

Welcome back to the discerning readers of M&C. I hope you all had a lovely holiday.

I bring you news regarding a great day trip I took to the picturesque northern seaside resort of Blackmouth during the summer.

Upon arrival at the beach I was thrilled to see a Punch & Judy tent on the sand, and hurriedly pushed, kicked and kneed an excited group of children out of the fucking way to secure my place on the front row.

It was a brilliant, traditional show; full of joyous wife beating, assaults on stupid policemen, and some excellent infant discipline techniques were presented to the crowd. But my enthusiasm got the better of me, and I decided to light a very long cigarette in order to absorb myself more fully into the experience.

But one carelessly discarded matchstick later and the tent was ablaze!

The Punch and Judy man fled from the flaming horror show, and tried desperately to rescue his burning puppets. He was crying and kept saying "no" "no" "no" "no" "no" "oh no".

After the show was over I went for an ice cream (double cone) and played on some fruit machines (won £2.70 in tens and £1 in tokens).

The funny thing was, the same thing happened again on the way home when I stopped for a quick pint. What a smashing day out !


  1. A very similar thing happened to me a few years ago while visiting the Cutty Sark...

  2. That reminds me, how are you getting on with your dirt bike?

  3. After reading Guy N Smith's 'Manitou Doll', with its central character of a super-evil ultra-violent Mr Punch puppet 32 years ago, I felt quite faint. Your tale is all too plausible.