Monday, 27 May 2013

Joanie Loves Unmann-Wittering

I had a dream the other night in which, amongst ever things, I appeared to be married to Joan Rhodes. Joan was a wrestler, actress, stunt woman and muscle lady, an 'iron girl in a velvet glove' who could tear telephone books in half, bend iron bars with her pearly whites and lift up two fat blokes without getting a single wrinkle in her foundation. The above picture was taken in 1958, and perhaps gives a flavour of what life with Joan might have been like. Tidy.

Just don't get on her nerves, that's all.

Here she is looking very glam and singing a song which will link into a short film about the correct way to lift and carry heavy objects. There are numerous shots of her pulsating inner thighs. I love the Doctor at the end, he's the most self-conscious man I've ever seen, he looks like a stunned carp.

I have written a poem to this great, late (she died in 2010) Amazonian lady.

O Joan - 
heavy lifter,
sofa shifter
now that you have taught me
that the heart is a muscle, too
please don't throw me over 
I beg of you.

At least it was short.


  1. The video is 'private'. =/

  2. Love Mr Cholmondley-Warner at the end.

  3. For me it's Joan's cut-glass accent (if that is her real voice?) that makes her so fascinating.

  4. Joan was born into extreme poverty in the east end, so she might be putting it on a bit.