Saturday, 24 November 2012

The Barehanded Apiarist

Hello, Dolly here.

I'm a beekeeper. I keep bees - in as much as anyone can keep them. I have a hive at the bottom of my garden with 50,000 of them in. That's a lot of bees.

I wear an apiarists suit.

Which is good for two reasons:

1) It stops me being stung


2) I get to look a bit like a spaceman when I've got it on and like to do a sort of slow 'walking on the moon' walk when I think no one is looking

Point 2 above isn't really about anything to do with beekeeping it's just something that makes me happy, but - point 1, is very useful. The other morning I was feeling a bit cocky while wandering down the garden in the autumn sunshine and thought I'd have a quick squeaky look at the bees. I didn't have my suit on but was sure that it wouldn't matter because I'd just whip the top off, have a gander and pop it back on.

I got stung four times on the back of my hand about four seconds after lifting the lid. It hurt. By mid-afternoon my hand had gone into anaphylactic shock. My knuckles disappeared and it looked like a rubber washing up glove does when you blow into it when you're bored.

So with that in mind have a look at this screen grab from the Tales of the Unexpected episode 'Royal Jelly':

That's Timothy West inspecting a hive WITHOUT A SUIT ON.

He's well hard is Timbo.

No suit, bare arms and standing over the open hive.

Respect to the West.

I'm too scared to even go within three feet of my hive without being mummified from head to toe and yet here he is an actor (who's not a apiarist as far as I know) handling the bees bare-arsed.

I've always liked Timothy West. I would've liked him to have been a bad tempered Doctor Who - like the character he plays in A Very Peculiar Practice. He could just get angry at anyone who disagreed with him and punch them full in the face without warning. He would've knocked Matthew Waterhouse right across the TARDIS console. Wallop!

Anyway the episode is ace and has one of the best video effects in it outside of the Kenny Everett Show.

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