'The Insatiable Mrs Kirsch' is a short (24 minute) 'erotic' film that Ken knocked off in 1996 with the help of his then wife, ex-ballet dancer Hetty Baynes who co-wrote the script and starred as the title character.
The action takes place at a hotel in Whitehaven. The unnamed narrator (Simon 'Peak Practice' Shepherd, rather camp for some reason) is researching details for a novel when he becomes distracted by a mysterious woman who sits across from him in the dining room. Her table manners leaves a lot to be desired, but he finds the sight of her wet chops almost unbearably erotic.
Convinced there is a mutual attraction, he begins to stalk her, but she totally ignores him. When he sees her receive some polaroids by post he follows her to room and stands outside listening, hearing what he takes to be the hum of an enormous vibrator. To be fair, this assumption is backed up by footage of Mrs. Kirsch using a enormous vibrator and gyrating on the bed to a sax and synth porn soundtrack. Ms Baynes conveys sexual abandon by crossing her eyes and then rolling them up into her head. It's not a subtle performance, but then why would it be? Ken Russell is directing it.
|Dont worry, it's lipstick on the litl'un.|
|I'm sure this will be a very exciting picture for some people.|
After this, enflamed by desire, he follows her all over, determined to make a connection. But, it seems, where Mrs. K goes, her vibrator goes, as he hears it buzzing incessantly as he trails behind her. He moves into the room next to her so he can eavesdrop on her phonecalls, the dirty devil.
On one excursion, she runs up the Cerne Abbas Giant and does a little dance on his giant whitewashed ball bag. Simon Shepherd finds this really sexy.
Unable to stand it any longer, the narrator breaks cover, sends champagne and, at last, is invited to her room for a nightcap. He's just starting to get his swerve on when Mrs. K rushes into the bathroom and the buzzing sound starts up again. On her return he confronts her, only for it to be revealed that the noise is not from a vibrator at all, but a breast pump. She has had a premature baby and has been sent away to recuperate until the baby gets strong enough to leave hospital but, in the mean time, still has to express milk, often at short notice. How they laugh, even though this makes no sense, is not what we've been shown and, in fact, is vaguely offensive.
In a coda, Shepherd says that he has become Godfather to the baby, who, happily, is now five years old. He, Mrs. K and son Max appear in a lovely family photo with the insatiable Mr. Kirsch - crazy red faced Ken Russell himself.
|Portrait of a happy family plus a bloke who wants to fuck Mum.|