Monday, 24 October 2011

1,000 Convicts & a Woman



'Fun & Games' was the second feature film from stunt co-ordinator turned prolific TV director Ray Austin. Perhaps better known under the sensational title of '1,000 Convicts & A Woman', it disappoints on every level. There are only about six convicts for a start.


'Phwoar, I'd like to trim her topiary', etc.


Oi, Sandor, you're paid to drive, not perv.
 Alexandra Hay is the Prison Governor's daughter, a 17 year old who claims to be a nymphomaniac but mainly seems to be looking for the attention Daddy never gives her. She spends her time clomping around the prison (which seems to actually be a second rate Grammar School) in skimpy outfits, sucking her thumb and making suggestive comments and laughing inanely: she's supposed to be incredibly sexy, of course, but she's actually just really annoying and, behind the fox facade, obviously rather naive and inexperienced. Luckily, there's barely a bloke in the joint under sixty, so the actual chances of her getting involved in a sexy situation are fairly limited - it would have perhaps been a far more titillating affair if the script had been rewritten and the ratios had been reversed, i.e. '1,000 Women & A Convict'


'Mmn - a 1954 vintage, perhaps?' 


Death of a Knicker Sniffer.



Finally, some smut! Shame they're not convicts...


This isn't as seedy and unpleasant as it looks.

Not a patch on Ray Austin's daft but underrated debut 'Virgin Witch', the film effectively sputters out after about half an hour and, after that, no amount of messing about in the woods, pantie fondling, prison breaks or grotesque deaths can convince the viewer that some sort of fraud hasn't been committed. It's rubbish, really. Still, I've seen it twice and will probably watch it again before I die, so rubbish obviously isn't a deal breaker. 

Here's a clip where the annoying girl cycles until she has an orgasm. Dirty bike.

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