Monday, 19 September 2011

Sex & The Other Woman

'Sex & The Other Woman' is a 1972 smutmanteau, a series of four cautionary tales about the many dangers single girls pose to married men. I say cautionary but, in fact, the hapless husbands do rather well out of it, mostly having their cake and eating it too. And biscuits.

The waspish Mr. Wattis
Introduced by the brilliant Richard Wattis, the stories all present a rather phallocentric, although generally good natured, view of women as either saucy temptresses or patient, eminently sensible adults who are grown up enough to overlook their idiotic men's indiscretions. As Mr. Wattis purrs 'let us not forget, however, that nature has given most of the powers of attraction to women. They provide the magnetism, men are merely the iron filings'.

In the first tale, a young model goes all out to snare a wealthy married man - she has uncomfortable looking sex with him on a plane and, later, uncomfortable looking sex on a waterbed as his unimpressed wife watches. Once the divorce is finalised, he sheepishly admits to her that his wife was the rich one, and she drops him like a shit smeared hot brick. A harsh reality, but, don't worry, from here on in the film becomes almost surreally optimistic.

The glamour of the Mile High Club
In the second story, a newlywed takes a job at an office where, from day one, he is targeted by a hot panted secretary. Despite being happily married, he succumbs to her considerable charms (I don't blame him - she's very sexy) and shags her in the managing director's office. When his wife finds his paramour's knickers in his suit jacket, however, she doesn't scream, shout or stab him in the eye with a knitting needle. She doesn't even cry. No, she has sex with him and puts the pants back where she found them, confident that it was 'just one of those things' and doesn't require any corrective action whatsoever.


Sexy woman, now in her sixties
 Story three ups the ridiculously rose tinted ante even further: a fifty-ish artist starts an affair with his eighteen year old daughter's best friend. His wife is oblivious to it, but his daughter finds out the truth when she discovers the nude portrait her Dad has been working on inbetween sessions with her schoolmate. Does she call 999 - or Esther Rantzen? Does she run tearfully to Mum, or slide into depression and slit her wrists with her father's razor? No. No, she doesn't. She doesn't even kick her friend in the fanny. She just laughs and says 'well, if I wasn't his daughter, I'd probably go for him myself' and vows to keep it all a secret. This film is MENTAL.

Insider Art
 Saving the most ridiculous for last...when Ted's wife finds out from an anonymous note that her husband has been knocking off her best friend and neighbour every Tuesday and Thursday night for a year, does she have a nervous breakdown and go back to Mother? Or perhaps slash her friend across the face with a broken bottle before kicking his arse out onto the street? No, the two women talk about it rationally and decide that they should all live together and run around after him like a King, lighting his fags and bringing him cups of tea, taking it in turns to sleep with him, washing him down as he takes a shower and, I shit you not, dressing like prostitutes on his birthday and having a three way.

Yeah, right

A moment of discord creeps in when the lover becomes pregnant, something the wife is medically unable to do. Ah, you think, that's pissed on your chips, mate, the end is nigh, but, no, she has twins, a boy and a girl, gives one to her friend, and everybody's happy again. It ends with smug bastard Ted addressing the camera and saying 'take a tip from me, fellas, if you've got a problem with the other woman, try introducing her to the wife. You never know, you might have my luck.' Yes, you might. Or, conversely, you might end up staggering into A & E clutching your severed knackers in your hand.

 Outrageous wish fulfillment aside, 'Sex & The Other Woman' is, generally, pretty innocuous, and often quite funny. It's the work of smut auteur, Stanley Long, an exploitation genius with a long list of production and direction credits, including the previously featured 'This, That & The Other'. We'll be seeing him again.

1 comment:

  1. By Christ, you watch some shite for this site.